For Better or Worse!

You know that smell your clothes get when you've left them in the washing machine for too long?  Yeah that smell.  Well, I'm currently wearing that smell.  Funny thing.  I couldn't smell it this morning when I got dressed.  But, now that am I sitting here, well...that smell, it's me!  Good thing is, I tried a pilates class last night, so today I'm not moving around that much.  Mostly just sitting at my desk.  All by my smelly self!

More later,
SNJ

PS Oh and it's a little humid today, too.  Mmmmmm - take a whiff!

PPS   Why do stinky scents last so much longer than good scents?  Don't get a headache thinking about that one.  But if you know the scientific reason as to why, just let me know. 

PPPS  I know SOMEONE is trying to teach me a lesson for thinking how awful the guy in line, in front of me, at Hellmart smelled last night.  So much for the lesson though.  I still think he smelled way worse than my jeans do.  And he was showing crack!  Ewwwwwww!

I need a vacation from "life"!

(Not a permanent one either, God, just a temporary one)

More later,
SNJ

When you are icing a cake for a baby shower, no matter how tempting that glob of shortening and powdered sugar looks - do not scoop it into your mouth.  Because.....then you will scoop another....and another....and another.  Oh, and have to lick that glob off the side of your hand! And of course, then you will need to balance all of that sugar with a "few" potato chips.  And by a few, I mean the kind that "nobody can eat just one".  Are you following me here?  After three nights of icing said baby shower cake - and this neverending need for sugar, followed by salt - your middle will start to protrude over the front of your britches.  Oh hell, you'll have a gut that rests nicely on your thighs as you sit at your computer, typing this blog.  And you'll question yourself - "Why the hell did I eat all of that crap"  followed by "I'm so fat"......

After all of this, you might even get paid the whopper of all paydays!  And as you are imagining all of the things you could use that money for (besides therapy, or Jenny Craig) your husband will call and say the excavation passed and he can proceed with his shop, or as I call it - the overpriced clubhouse for the overgrown 40-year old kid!  But you will hear how happy he is and realize how unkind you are to want to steal his happiness.  So, you will get up and go into the bathroom, you know to compose your whiney, pitiful butt - look at yourself in the mirror - and discover you are one fat bitch! 

Just so you know......

Don't eat the icing and never get married.  You can thank me later. 

More later,
SNJ

Or, I should say "I'm so out of shape!"  and completely annoyed with the fact that I am - out of shape!  Hmph! I consider considered myself to be in pretty decent shape.  Sort of a little cushy in the middle region, but still.....  I mean I do my elliptical for an hour - most days.  Except for lately.  Baseball season.  Not much time.  So.....Wally and The Beav finally decided they had to have a Wii.  Which made me ecstatic, because I secretly wanted a Wii too!  I just didn't want to pay for one.  Beaver and Wally decided to split the cost.  The morons that made this game, sell it with only one controller though.  Brilliant money hoarding entrepreneurs those people at Nintendo are. Who plays Wii all by themselves? If you do, well that's just sad. So anyway, I agreed to pay for the second controller.  That way they had to let me play too!  Brilliant of me, don't you think?

Friday afternoon we made our purchase.  Wally, Beaver and I.  Beaver hooked the whole thing up.  Got it ready.  I waited, controller in hand.  Not wanting to seem too overzealous.  But I just couldn't wait to play!!!  And play we did!  For hours.  And hours.  And hours.  You are looking at the new light-weight middle-weight boxing champion of the Cleaver household!  I KO'd (knocked out, for those of you who aren't up on the boxing lingo) every person in my house - all of them!!!!  TWICE!  Because they thought it was beginners luck. Wahooooooooo!  I'm now known as "Da-Bomba Momma"!  They're all a bunch of whiners though.  "You're too close, Mom"  "Move back, you're blocking the sensor" "Wah, wah, wah"  I will admit, in my fists-of-fury, wildwoman punching I did get a little too close a couple of times and almost punched the TV screen.  I had the little wrist thingys on that are supposed to keep you from hurling the controller through the screen though.  So......after whoopin' up on the family they decide they want to try bowling. I'm an "ok" bowler.  But I have funky stance, or walk, or wind up.  Whatever you call it.  My legs look all bent out of shape - kinda twisted like a pretzel in a half curtsy, as I'm releasing the ball.  It's very goofy looking and I was really thankful that now I can enjoy bowling in the privacy of my own home without a bowling alley full of people gawking, snickering & pointing at me.

Saturday morning I woke up a little, hmmmm, sore should I say?  Only that doesn't quite describe it.  Every freakin muscle - and even muscles I didn't know I had, hurt.  Like a motha'!  My arms felt like a dead weight.  They only hurt when I lift my arm to, well eat or drink something.  A pain shoots down the side of my back that makes me want to scream.  It's made it extremely difficult to cover the pain with alcohol intoxication. Since I can't lift the glass to my mouth without wincing. My inner thighs - oh they only hurt whenever I get up or sit down.  And my butt?  I have no idea what I did, but my right cheek is so danged sore.  I feel like a 90 year old.  And I'm sure I looked like one Saturday afternoon as I was trying to hoist my derriere on to the potty.  My legs were all shaking, I was trying to hold on to the wall and gently ease myself onto the seat.  It was pure hell.  After I finally plopped down and did my business I had no strength left to push myself back up - so.......I just sat there.  For quite awhile.  I felt like a fool.  And then the theme for "Rocky" started playing in my head and I could here Mickey, in his gravely trainer voice, telling me I had to get up.  And so I got up and it was so flippin' painful that a tear trickled down my cheek.  Damned Wii! They should have a warning label on the box - "Not for rapidly approaching middle-aged women who think they're in shape"  I mean really!  

They're already taunting me.  Those little he-devils of mine.  Laughing at their mother in her moments of pain.  No worry though.  These muscles will heal.  I will be back!  (Insert Rocky theme music here.)

More later,
SNJ

At 10:00 am this morning, the clouds parted, the sun shone through and the birds sang -

I finally closed the $314,000 buyer that about drove me over the edge!!!

The only thing better would be if the commission was just for me.   But sadly it is not.  It goes for Ward's shop.  All.of.it.    I'm not bitter or jealous.  Really.  It's for my husband.  So, I'm glad.  Don't I sound glad?  This shop is going to make him happy.  And if he's happy - I'm happy.  Right?  Of course. 

So, I'm taking this afternoon off.  I'm going to take Beaver to Sonic and have an iced caramel latte!  I'm such a lucky woman!

Have a great weekend.
SNJ